For now, I rest.

Sometimes you are so tired. So, so, so tired. Sometimes the tiredness is a physical exhaustion from not enough rest over a period of time and/or over-exertion in some form.  Sometimes it's an emotional and mental exhaustion from dealing with life's challenges and the hurt and pain you and and others around you experience.  Sometimes it's a combination of both and it brings you to your knees. Either way, you might be so tired...that as you are half-awake thinking about how tired you are, you grab a bowl.  Then you kind of think, a little, about how you really should get more bowls because there never seems to be enough that are clean. Or maybe you should just clean them.  Then you realize that you are about to pour coffee into that bowl.  Finally, you remember your thoughts about being tired and realize that today is a good day to do very little.

My hand is raised. I admit it. I am tired.  Now that I've admitted it, I have my own multi-step plan for recovery  It began with sleep. It's amazing how our bodies are designed by God to refuel and recharge with simple, restful sleep.  Of course, as I was able to start this program, my body cued me in its deep need for more rest by falling prey to illness yet again. As my lungs and body said, "rest more" I decided it was a good time to continue my recovery plan. My next steps included hours of watching mindless shows, hours of reading heart changing non-fiction ("Trusting God" by Jerry Bridges), and hours of reading laughter-inducing light fiction (a hilarious mystery novel about a gray-haired lady with a curious mind realizing that she was "Invisible" and about using said quality to investigate the mysteries around her). I have also spent hours of soaking in God's word, hours of deep prayer and crying out to God, hours of listening to soothing, inspirational music, hours of listening to sermons about prayer and about who I am in Christ and I have especially enjoyed hours with my youngest children to simply meander through the stores with barely an agenda as we just enjoyed being together.

In a span of almost two weeks now, amongst all of these hours, I have rested and slept more. I have "done" very little. I have planted a few seeds in the garden and pulled a few weeds. I have prepared a few meals, spent time with a few friends, gone out of the home a few times. Most amazingly, for those of you who know me well, I have organized and worked on the last of our unpacking from this large move...only a few hours worth.  

It's been great. 

If you are reading this and don't understand why I am "so tired", please check out one of my previous posts about our move to a ranch and taking care of 13 foster children over the last 15 months.  Or, from what I just said, you can surmise many reasons why I might be tired.

Fulfilling this calling of God, to go somewhere and do something that was so beyond "me", required the grace and strength of God on a daily basis.  Many times we felt that there was nothing else "we" could do and all that could be done was to cry out to God and to trust Him for what was needed.  My recognition for the deep need for Christ and the deep need to trust that He is all who He says He is and that He can do all that He says He can do was greatly felt. I am continuing to learn this in many new ways. 

Our season of intensity has come to a close. God has been abundantly faithful and amazingly gracious during this time of transition.

It was a great adventure. It was amazing and exhausting. It brought me to my knees...prostrate before my Lord.

Now we are home again. Now we are five...again. For now, I rest.