The beautiful lyrics of several songs have resonated deeply with me. Over the last year one shared with me by my brother-in-law spoke of our journey to care for many children in foster care. The song was "Kings and Queens" by the new Audio Adrenaline. How deeply it connected with me. To this tune I have cried and sung out loudly in praises and pleas.
Little hands, shoeless feet
Lonely eyes looking back at me
Will we leave behind the innocent to grieve
On their own, on the run
When their lives have only begun
These could be our daughters and our sons
And just like a drum I can hear their hearts beating
I know my God won't let them be defeated
Every child has a dream to belong and be loved
Yes - little eyes. Longing to be loved. I've seen them so many times. Haven't you? Has your heart been tugged to love a child who needs you desperately? Haven't you seen all the pictures of the lonely, the hungry and the hurting child? I have too. I heard the drum beating. I knew the promises of God for them. I wanted them to belong and be loved. I wanted to love them. Longed to show the love of Jesus to them. Take care of them. I wanted to be their Savior while I taught them of the Savior.
Wait. What? (I get annoyed with this phrase, but sometimes it just fits.)
I did...I thought they all wanted love and would be so happy to have me step in and be their Savior. At the same time I wanted to point them to the Savior. When we stepped out in faith to serve and love foster children, I found out quickly...they...didn't want...me. They didn't want what I had to offer. They wanted their mom. They wanted their home.
Wow. Now what?
Phew. Deep breath. A cry out in prayer.
Lord - they are YOUR children. YOU love them more than I ever could. YOU have a plan and a purpose for them. YOU desire wholeness and healing in their lives. YOUR plan looks different than mine. YOU have a plan for me, and my family, in all of this. Help us to do YOUR will and serve YOU by serving and loving them - even if they don't want us.
Yeah - that took awhile to really comprehend and it required a new level of completely trusting God in ALL things. In fact, I'm still learning and reminding myself of that very prayer.
Break our hearts once again
Help us to remember when
We were only children hoping for a friend
Won't you look around these are the lives that the world has forgotten
Waiting for doors of our hearts and our homes to open
If not us who will be like Jesus
To the least of these
If not us tell me who will be like Jesus
Like Jesus to the least of these.
Oh man, those images of children needing so much. Children needing love, needing food and clothes, needing a home, needing a family...needing Jesus and Jesus' people. It tugged on my heart so deeply. On the heart of a woman who knew she didn't want to bear any more children. (We had five together in our blended family.) A heart that didn't necessarily want the chaos and the ever present reminder of our human sinful state that comes with raising children, and being responsible for everything in their lives.
But...What if that's what God wanted from me? What about the giftings he has given me in caring for others? What about that little girl I always wanted to adopt, perhaps from India? Could I ever sing "I want to give you all of me" again if I didn't consider that God might call me to minister to children like these? This was something that came to mind before we moved. Then we felt called, we moved, and there were very needy and very hurt children in our care. Many of them.
My heart swelled with love for them and longed to help them heal from their hurts and pain. My heart longed for many Christian homes to open their doors to the children of these broken families where abuse and neglect are so prevalent. Even when they didn't want me, I turned to God because I knew He wanted them. Then their hearts began to change. To heal and to love and be loved.
Yet, in all it wasn't like I'd hoped. The children needed more than I could give. God gave my husband and I a supernatural grace, particularly through the first few months. That helped. But there were many, many other obstacles too. Obstacles that weren't meant to be overcome, but to be given over.
I wrestled with "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." I wrestled to find balance between work and physical and spiritual rest. Shouldn't I be able to do this better? Why am I so tired, exhausted, stressed out and feeling terribly overburdened? There were many reasons why, some that I am still figuring out. Yet, I still longed to do all things for Him. But, things were out of balance. Even now I am realizing that "all" things also fits into a reality of the design which God made us. That the reality is that we are human and while we are given supernatural strength, grace etc. to accomplish His purposes, in the end, we aren't the all capable, all sufficient God. We are made IN HIS IMAGE, but not AS HIM. We have limitations that can be stretched, but they are still there. He does not have physical, spiritual or emotional limitations. He is capable of ALL. He is THE ONE we need to look to, to lean on, to trust in. He is the only ONE worthy of imitating.
If not us who will be like Jesus
To the least of these
If not us tell me who will be like Jesus
Like Jesus to the least of these.
And there it is again...like Jesus. Only one Savior. Him. Jesus.
Not BE Jesus, but LIKE Jesus. What does that MEAN?
Love, serve, bless, minister, lead TO JESUS.
To me...to be LIKE Jesus means a willingness to love and serve and help as we lay down our lives for others. It also means to seek Him first in all things, like Jesus did. He looked to the Father. He trusted the Father. He cried out to him and sought the Father's will.
To be LIKE Jesus means to trust that His ways look different than our ways. It means laying down my own thoughts of how things can and should happen and trusting Him with His plan instead. It means, that if you find yourself in a place where what you are "doing" is actually causing pain rather than helping others to heal in pain, you might have to back up and lay it again at the feet of Jesus...and trust Him.
NOW - This is the part that really, really gets me in this song.
Boys become kings, girls will be queens
Wrapped in your majesty
When we love, when we love the least of these
Then they will be brave and free shout your name in victory
We will love the least of these
Oh Lord, my hearts cry continues. Boys and girls experiencing the royalty of being a child of God. That is worth singing out loudly!
Wrapped in your majesty. Yes, Lord. Your majesty is glorious. Wrap your majestic arms around these hurting children. Help them to know the joy of being in your presence.
I hurt for those who are hurting and who need your love and mercy. I will still love the least of these.
Yet as I continue a journey to be more of the woman who have designed me to be, I will love the least of these and I will seek YOU in that journey. My methods of carrying out this love and this desire to share YOUR love with them will look different than it did a year ago, but I trust you Father.
Above all, to be LIKE Jesus means that my life points to the Father in Heaven. To our need for a Savior and that that Savior is not me, but IS Jesus.
